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Imposter girl with no poster

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Long story short: I believed something to be true from the inside out top down 100% - when I’m in I am ALL IN. That belief was in charge of all of my decisions, policed my desires, shamed my inadequacies and my dreams, and wrote a future without my input. Actually the whole point of being all in on that faith was to be the best at not considering your own input because that was worldly and “of man” and not “of God” and so all those gut instincts you had that went against what you were told to do or what was being done to you? Yeah. No wonder I had stomach issues and mental illness at such an early age. But we prayed for that to be healed and it never went away but I got really good at pretending to be okay. It’s not even something I wanted to get good at but you do what you have to do to survive.  My old blog was written by someone in survival mode using words to stay afloat. I am thankful for it.  I think the final post I wrote on it was the morning of the 2016 election. Here...
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A Fine Sifting

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Usually I will google first before writing about something I just thought of to see if someone has already said it like this. But I decided to just type it all out and see what I get. I don't care if it's already been figured out. This is me figuring it out.  I was walking Penny in the dark night of 6:40 PM. Our Friday night routine. I get off work at 5 but then I gotta do dinner, and every other weekend Ivy goes to her dad's at 6 so there's that, like tonight, and we try to cuddle on the couch before she has to leave. Then our dog Penny is next up ready for full attention. Eventually I get to be "off". Here I am.  I decided to designate a spot in the corner of the living room for my writing. I wrote and then backspaced these words: Our house is so tiny. It's fact but not what I mean or want to say right now. It's just that I was considering all my writing spaces of past... and how we've always had both a living room and a family room and an offic...
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Into the woods

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I escaped to a cabin in the woods for a few days to work on writing and music. We drove through a blizzard in the mountains in the dark and I considered for the second time in a matter of days that I might just be too brave sometimes. Anyway I can’t wait to see what the outdoors looks like here in the morning! The night snow is sparkly and cleansing. I can hear the river but haven’t seen it yet.  PS I want to tell people I love them more. I want to love more people. I want people to love more.  PPS I am going to sketch President Biden and Vice President Harris helping us off the rollercoaster one by one and sitting us down to rest and warm our hands by the dumpster fire of this current life and they serve us hot cocoa in mugs and tell us everything is going to be all right in a soft and calm and even voice and we believe even if it’s just for a moment that hope is available and there’s plenty in stock, no limit.  Pssst update here’s my first draft lol: 
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