VerySo

2022 was the year I thought Peeps tasted good. In a moment of feeling inadequate about my paltry Easter morning offering for the kids, I picked up a package of yellow bunnies. And I think I am the only one who had any. Since having Covid a few months ago my taste and smell are still kind of weird. So I don't know if they are supposed to taste like anything other than sugar dust and softness?  I was messaging with Heather   —  friend and co-host of a new podcast (with me)  —  about how I’ve been super stressed over a couple of my kids… I get off work and then clock in to try to cheer them up or at least make them feel supported. This morning I asked myself, what are you going to do for yourself today, this week? Someday? I can’t think of anything other than wishing I could run away somewhere.  But with them, with my people. Always. Just, maybe a moment in time that I’m not needed for a little while because everything is all right.  We never stop. And w...

I skipped the post full of excuses. It isn't welcome here.  I must write down the good things, allow myself the space to appreciate and be grateful and not fear it will cancel out any good to come, if I really look at it then I also have to face the reality that it even exists (and how? ) and has to end eventually, so I... The weekend was actually good and I have nothing to even dread today. Work will go fast and play practice tonight is a full run of the show, with an audience including Dr. Whitebear, and each additional day we get deeper into the play. That's a lot to look forward to.  Ivy, Luna, & I saw Mean Girls at the Keller in Portland on Saturday. Thankful for the cheap obstructed view seats, I was able to afford to take the three of us. It went perfectly and our spot was hardly obstructed in any way, which is always a gamble but for theater people (at least us) we love a peek at the wings. We shopped every room at Powell's and had the best time with Molly and P...

I didn't even feel put-out that I still woke up early this morning with the time change and everything. I felt rested, that's all that matters really. I don't care what the time on the clock says especially on my day off. The earlier the better sometimes because then that means more alone and quiet time is to be had.  Yesterday I was proactive and stayed ahead of the depression that I've been sensing wants to have the spotlight. I made an indulgent and heart scrubby playlist, headphones in and listened to music instead of a podcast - just knew I needed an escape from talking and information that is always in the background. I straightened up a few things, organized the xmas gifts that have started to arrive, drank a glass of ice water, and took a very long hot shower. Wore my usual weekend loungewear of maxi dress, infinity scarf, gigantic soft cardigan and Uggs. No bra of course. And I have two new paperbacks to read, bumping whatever else is in my to be read stack. An...

It’s 3:51 pm and I’ve been standing in line for the pharmacy inside Rite aid since 3:21pm. The   line has moved up 2 people and that includes the gal who had a dog in front of me and I think she had to take him potty.  Someone just now came down the line to get our names.  I am now 10th in line. I have to wait because I need to pick up Luna’s estrogen patches before she goes to her dads for the weekend. They only let you refill like the moment she has to put on her next patch. This is the first chance I’ve had to camp out for this, within a window of time that no one can see in or out of. It’s ridiculous and it’s been like this the past couple months because of staffing shortages I guess? I know the people working here can’t be thrilled about it and I’m so glad at least they showed up to work today. It could be so much worse.  Thankfully I can work from my phone. But this sucks. It’s like everything even minor inconveniences are just made extra hard these days. ...

 The cast list for The Thanksgiving Play at the Majestic Theatre has been posted !  Of course, I already knew I was cast to play the part of Logan, notified by the director via email, but this makes it official official. First time I have "made the cast" since email notification times omg it's been a while.  It's a "Readers' Theatre" production which means that I do not have to memorize my lines, and this is all new to me! We are still acting on stage (no masks required for performers only while on stage) and have these little scripts that we will have in our hand the whole time. I've heard it feels super natural after a bit. Honestly nice to not have so much pressure because it's 90 minutes on stage with no breaks. I didn't have rehearsal tonight, which was a nice little break to just veg out. I have had back to back Zoom parent/teacher conferences the past 3 days and am zapped. I made an awesome dinner of pan fried noodles and broccoli for ...

Four minutes until the pasta is done for the salad I'm making to go with tonight's dinner. I am home on a break from work real quick and getting done what I can. Threw some dog/couch blankets in the washer. Finally located and filled out my ballot and will drop it off on the way to rehearsal tonight.  A couple minutes to write. I know I could be having the kids help more, doing meals, grocery runs, but I make it work. What if I didn't have to make it anything? I know I need to get ahead of this. I was able to fit in a supermarket sweep at the store in between school drop offs, when else would I be able to? And so good to get it done already. And really sweet convo with the cashier, too. I feel better when I start the day positive and productive. The fog has hung here all day. Makes the mountains smoky, everything very storybook, filtered, and sleepy. I am so tired inside and out.  Thinking a lot about how "a mother is only as happy as her saddest child". And how I...

These things happen to me. I need to get a new tire, all new tires really and just have not yet. So it's a lot of trips checking the air in my tires at the gas station until I get this fixed. And last time the little cap for the tire valve went ploop right into my hubcap and apparently lost forever. I added a trip to Auto Zone for more caps to my never ending to-do list and you guessed it, haven't made it there yet.  Well this morning when I was airing up the ol' tires again I saw a smooshed cap on the ground. Hmm I wondered if that one was mine... and then I thought I should just take a look around that whole area. And I found a cap in some leaves up against the curb that happened to fit just fine in place of my missing one. So, win? Felt like it at least!  Ivy's away game was cancelled today, so now I don't have to feel guilty about missing it, or stressed about how I could possibly make it work to go. I want to get to the place where those are not factors in ou...