a/s/l

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I was playing Words with Friends on my phone and in a mood to just play anyone. Unfortunately along came a guy who wanted to chat. I tried to be polite and short about it— I mean I don’t even want to chat with my actual friends on there when I play and then he messaged “I assume you’re married with kids?” 

Well. I replied, “in a relationship with kids” when first of all I shouldn’t have answered that, but at the same time wanted to shut him up. So yes I’m in a relationship and have kids, but they aren’t his kids— the guy I’m in a relationship with. I was married, for an amount of years I don’t know off the top of my head thank god and refuse to do the math because I want to continue to not care. I do know that my divorce was three years ago as of the beginning of this month. Anyway that’s how come the kids. And I’m not married and will never marry again, and don’t encourage my kids to desire to marry and the relationship I’m in now is with my one true childhood love. He moved across the country to be with me. And he loves my kids and is a genuine friend to them. And I would marry him in ceremony if it weren’t legally binding if he wanted to but I don’t think that’s ever going to be something he wants and so you see it’s complicated. I am un-doing a lot of pre-programmed thinking about self and my self, and what I want and what I have been molded & distracted into thinking I want. And what I could have. And how that determines what I think I’m worth. 

I’m worthy of not ever underestimating myself again and I am worthy of expecting demanding The Most. And I’m practicing practicing so I will mess up and will not see my worth and will not honor my value and I will keep practicing and so I will get it right.

True story and needless to say, the Words with Friends guy left the game. 

Comments

  1. lauraJanuary 24, 2021 at 6:48 AM

    Okay. Now, you have to tell us your true love story.

    ReplyDelete

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