I can have things how I want

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 Sometimes I remember this. 


There’s more I want to say, might have to save it for my book. But today I’m enjoying the feeling because it came to me at 5:48am while I wrote a grocery list, and it’s not a someday dream, it’s real life now. 

Just for fun I looked up Proverbs 31 because I wanted to read it from this side, because here I am rising early and preparing to feed my family for the day and wondering what the fuck is up with all these feelings swerving about inside me? 

The first site I clicked on had a post titled  7 Lessons I’ve Learned About Homemaking from Proverbs 31 and it came with an interesting disclaimer: that we need to remember what the Bible describes is the Proverbs 31 woman’s greatest hits, that it wasn’t literally, like, supposed to be or even possible to be her every day and also she had servants and you should, too. LOL um what. Things have changed. Could someone had led with that when I learned about this one all my life? As far as I knew that was the only way to be a godly woman. 

Did you know how unsettling un-learning is? When your factory settings are programmed that way for a reason - and with a powerful warning system to keep you in. I got out of that factory, I am re-set to me-settings which have just felt blank because the factory got to me so young, and the alarm bells ring 24/7, but I can and will get through that, blank and ready to be written how I want and with what I know.

I know better now and when you know better you do better.  



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