Release.

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If I was the kind of person who chose a word for the New Year (I am, but I don't like to put the pressure on myself, so I say I'm not that kind of person anyway) I would pick the word "release." Maybe I will. I've already made a chart of the holiday movies I want us to watch in the coming weeks maybe starting now, and gifts are already being bought and I am not rushing things I realized- if I didn't get this much of a head start I would never ever catch up. I always feel so impossibly far behind this really is my only chance. This is the way I survive right now.

More realizations.


I need to let go 

of the grip I have on my babies

but they were my life jackets 

and I was drowning

and I used them.

And I love them so much that I don't want them to feel like they had to keep me afloat.

Now that I'm knowing better I'm doing better, but it's a lot on my mind.


So, release means to set free from. It doesn't mean chuck it out the window, or give up, or lose. I must learn to get comfortable in the slack, in the loosening of my hold 

on

everything. 

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