Today I felt

-

I have to feed myself despite having a stomach full of rocks 

right now 

I stand over the stove weary, then brightened, when I remember how I love a good sear on the skin of a pepper 

What else do I love? Soft things. Easy stuff. 


Yesterday somewhere I read that a fossil is just a stone’s memory of the bones.


If I’d known it would take this long I am not sure I would have been so serious about growing up 


And how official it feels, back then 

And how many times you’ll change your mind 



I backspaced all the way out of an instant message I was going to send to James the other day: “Hacks starts up again this Thursday, didn’t want to forget”

So I x’ed back out of it 


Because it feels pathetic 

It feels sad 

It feels like I should have more interesting things to message my partner about 

Especially in these days


I don’t shame but I’m ashamed of how much screen time …

But like there’s so many good shows 

And some of them I’ve been looking forward to or have never heard of and so it’s going to stretch my mind 

And entertain me!

And teach me ways to be and not be 

I miss the outside world 

I miss real people 

I just want to be under my covers 

And have the tv on 

With my phone 

In my hand 


I don’t want to see anything and all I end up doing is looking at every thing 

until it’s all consumed 

Until more appears 



Today for work I had to stop by a vacant confirmed-haunted house and I told the ghost “thank you!” for letting me come in. I’d done the same the one other time I went there, and I feel like they understood. Today I felt less afraid than last time. 


My one straggler kid to catch Covid tested positive today and by now it feels SIGH

It feels meh, no big - let’s get this over with. I was definitely relieved she didn’t have to go to school today. At least one of my kids is home safe for the next few days.  ? 


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