whereisgodnow?

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I ask my daughter what generational curses does she imagine she will need to break someday

and let’s break them now 


Mom why are you distant? Mommy’s grieving at the thought of losing you like that. 

She asks, why would an 18 year old kid want to kill little kids at school?

I do not know the answer. 

I want to say we need to teach more empathy and non violence, but we are and we do, and still. Maybe there hasn’t been enough time to start seeing results yet. I try to say that we can’t understand it because it does not make sense, and so there’s no way to make it make sense. And that is terrifying. 

We must find an answer. We have to break this. 

I try to prepare her for if and when it happens   

    to her

I will understand if you choose to be a hero and I understand if you hide, and I understand if you can not get away. You won’t even know until you are in the moment, so don’t only practice one way out of it. 

I try to prepare for if and when it happens to my child and I feel sick 

It’s so close it’s upon us. It’s so close to home it is in our house.




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