and things of that nature

Pre-divorce we had a refrigerator that could accommodate Costco trips and it had a water and ice dispenser in the door- crushed or whole. Sometimes I miss that part of that life, but not really. I was just thinking about it today with my hands deep in a bag of party size ice from the store. I transfer it into ziplocks to keep in the freezer on these hot weather stretches. The cold on my hands feels good and powerful and I like to fill my hands with as many cubes as I can. I store the rest in the mini fridge on the back porch that sometimes houses leftovers and the kids’ energy drinks  they think they’re sneaking in. 

It’s Sunday night and I feel a sense of boredom. I feel like the further I get away from writing, the things distracting me start to lose their luster. That’s the only way I can explain why I get drawn back here. 

The cobwebs need attention and then I remember oh, they actually have a purpose. It’s not that I forgot but it’s just not what I originally learned and why is it that so much from early on is so hard to re-wire? You learn later that spiders aren’t scary and are helpful. And things of that nature. When you’re taught to fear first and learn the truth later, you have a lot of learning to do, and it’s ridiculously hard to unlearn being afraid of something. You can accept new information and try to adjust but what about the memory in your bones? In the DNA already passed on to your kids? Where the air in the room was, and the way it made you feel?