Thoughtfully

Do you ever feel like you contain a galaxy?

Inside you 

And you fit it within your body, holding it in (at least that’s what we see on the outside) 

No one could ever know your depths 

And the strength that it takes to shoulder that wall, it all.

And that this is why you seem so far away even though you are right here 

This is why when we find each other we call out. It feels so rare to be seen from so far away!

(So you must be special.) (We must be special.)

I’m on day two of a pretty intense anxiety spiral, facing some consequences of previous choices (or non-choices, “I'll be better off there Where there's nothing to choose 🎶 So there's nothing to lose”) 

but 

I’m 

being loving to myself by taking things slow, really feeling the many different waves of emotions: it is so uncomfortable but I love waves! So I’m listening to music (Portland Cello Project’s covers of Elliott Smith) with a glass of ice water, sitting in the sun. The warm air tonight feels like we’re suspended in soft amniotic fluid and I’m just a baby in this moment, I should go easier on myself- I’m new to so many things and ideas every day and I expect to already know how to be, all the time? - now I’m asking for forgiveness for every time I didn’t give myself grace  before right now. 

I’m going to feel until whatever this is 

has had time to feel (and write) itself out. And then I can do the next thing.