VerySo

2022 was the year I thought Peeps tasted good. In a moment of feeling inadequate about my paltry Easter morning offering for the kids, I picked up a package of yellow bunnies. And I think I am the only one who had any. Since having Covid a few months ago my taste and smell are still kind of weird. So I don't know if they are supposed to taste like anything other than sugar dust and softness?  I was messaging with Heather   —  friend and co-host of a new podcast (with me)  —  about how I’ve been super stressed over a couple of my kids… I get off work and then clock in to try to cheer them up or at least make them feel supported. This morning I asked myself, what are you going to do for yourself today, this week? Someday? I can’t think of anything other than wishing I could run away somewhere.  But with them, with my people. Always. Just, maybe a moment in time that I’m not needed for a little while because everything is all right.  We never stop. And w...

I have my first work function tomorrow since I started working at my new job and I feel like I've already psyched myself up for it and it's nice to get that out of the way. Because for once when I say that I'm going to be myself and that's enough I'm not just saying it like I'm just resigned to finally giving in to it because we're supposed to. I actually do believe I'm enough. At this moment... that I am typing this and god I hope I don't lose it.  How do I keep it. By doing this- writing what comes out. Words cast a wide net so you have time, you have time, see how it allows you the time to take care of what's on fire. So take care of it.  Yesterday was a full on mom mode day which is every day really, but like, from 6:15am start I was somehow able to be there for them and make it work. Lots of driving and keeping all the things top of mind.  Finally get home from picking the last kid up and am literally about to have a chance to eat a bite of...

Is it okay if I ask you to not look directly into my light right now. Don't get so close that you see too much, get distracted by the little details, a whisker, a dark circle, the unfinished parts of me. May I keep those for myself while I reveal my truth with you? It all comes out eventually, in time. And can it be on my terms.  Is it okay if I ask you to pay attention to where my light is shining? Stay in the glow, feel its warmth, and resist the temptation to look the sun right in the eyes.  Sometimes I wonder if people think about me and think, she never finishes what she starts . Is this what I think about me? Maybe I'm not a fan of things ending. The tidying of loose ends, so boring, so final. The energy that will take. Maybe I'm still learning how. Maybe she never finishes what she starts because it's not ready to be done yet. Maybe she's a late bloomer. Maybe she hasn't even begun.  The house smells like ham. Like a holiday but no one is dressed up and n...